A Death Sentence

Photo by Vincent Ledvina on Unsplash

Feeling Desperate & Alone

When I was first diagnosed with CRPS in 2013, after 12-years of pain without answers, I wished it was a death sentence. Why? Because it was more horrific knowing that I would live. I was told by my doctor that CRPS is an incurable, degenerative and rare chronic pain disease, and he was not wrong. The pain I was experiencing would never go away. It was unbearable to know that I would never again be pain free.

I became suicidal. I didn’t think I had the strength to live in that much pain the rest of my life.

But I was wrong.

I am strong enough. I’ve walked out this pain one day at a time. Through bad days and really bad days. Through okay days and wonderful days.

I keep pushing forward as medicine and technology gets better and better. More and more help is available and I’m grateful. Today I can manage this pain, this exhaustion, and this complex condition fairly well. I have to rest every day. I can’t stress. And I have to find joy and peace wherever they hide.

The thing is, I’ve found hope and I believe you can too.

With Deep Sincerity,

Jana

P.S.: Cherish your smiles.

With my whole heart, with my whole life, and with my innermost being, I bow in wonder and love before you, the holy God! Yahweh, you are my soul’s celebration. How could I ever forget the miracles of kindness you’ve done for me?

Psalm 103:1-2 (The Passion Translation)

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